Angry, depressed,full of rage. These three things best describe the person I used to be. For as long as I can remember I have been trying to deal with theses problems. I would look up anger management techniques and try them but every time I lost my temper it was like a different person took over my body and I wouldn’t know what was going on until after I threw something, broke something, yelled and screamed and swore. Once I was calmed down I always felt foolish and embarrassed, hoping no one noticed my little fit but they usually did, so much so that the guys I work with started calling me “Tony the Tiger” because I would “roar” every time I lost my temper.
This problem was getting out of hand and I couldn’t get it under control no matter what I did. Often times I would think that if I just killed myself then it would be over and I wouldn’t hurt anyone or feel that way again, these thoughts were constantly in my head and many times I found myself with a knife in my hand but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. My temper and depression took a huge toll on my marriage and I could barely handle our son. I was getting to be a verbally abusive husband and father. Finally one day my wife had enough, she told me I needed to stay somewhere else for a bit so I found myself at a friends house who welcomed me into their home with open arms. Not only did these people let me stay with them, they sat up with me until 2am that night talking with me and trying to help me. Over the next week a lot of things happened, my friends set up a meeting to talk to the pastor of their church which I was very nervous about because I had all theses preconceived ideas about church and was by no means a believer. I agreed to talk to him and when he came over he did not push any religion on me or anything. He just listened to me and offered some advice. He told me about a book called The five love languages which sounded very interesting. At the end I asked him a few questions about faith and he happily answered them, again without forcing any religion on me. Later in the week I met with a friend of mine and he lent me the movie Fireproof. After talking to him I went home where another friend, whom was a very close friend in high school but we had drifted apart over the years, was sitting on my deck! He knew right away that something was wrong. he listened to everything that was going on in my life and then offered his advice. This was the part that made me REALLY think because that night he told me about the movie Fireproof which I had just borrowed from another friend and then he lent me the book The Five Love Languages. These were just a couple “coincidences” that I encountered which started to really make me think that maybe there WAS a God. Maybe he did really love me. My friends that I was staying with invited me to church that Sunday and I reluctantly went. When I got there the songs they were singing were awesome! They weren’t the old hymns that I had heard before, they had drums and a guitar and a keyboard! The message that was given that sunday made sense to me and it really spoke to me! This was not the church experience that i thought it would be! That night a couple more old friends called me up and said that they were going to the young adults group at my old friends’ church (the friend that showed up at my place) and they were going on their motorcycles. So I hopped on mu bike, met the guys and away we went. The message that was given that night was directed straight to me. He talked about anger controlling your life and about depression and needing a fresh start. At the end of the service I found myself at the front kneeled down crying. Behind me and beside me were my friends. They were right there with me, supporting me. I got saved that night and it changed my life! I was told that once I was saved not to expect things to get easier, because now the devil will try harder to get me back. Well he did try harder, my marriage was still in ruins and a lot of things happened in the next couple weeks that made it hard to keep going, but I did! I didn’t lose my temper at work and when I felt I might “lose it” I just stopped and prayed for a minute and then went back to work. After a couple weeks a co worker asked ” what happened to Tony”. I joyfully replied ” TONY IS DEAD!!”. It has been 2 years since I have lost it at work and become “Tony the Tiger” I have finally learned to control my anger and all it took was to accept the love of Jesus! Now my marriage was a tough one to patch up and the devil was having a hay day trying to get to me but I refused to give up. I lost my best friend and I almost lost my wife but after she saw the difference in me we started to work things out with a lot more listening and working together on both ends and both of us admitting our mistakes and figuring out how to learn from them. We have started a new relationship together with God. Life always has its ups and downs but by pushing through the down times I now have a loving wife, and I now have 2 wonderful sons and I am a very proud father! And a great circle of friends and a fantastic church family.
A righteous person may fall several times, but they rise again. Proverbs 24:16