I changed my story……… then changed my life
One evening I heard a very powerful man speak these amazing words.
“Change your story, change your life” I have often wondered to myself what my life would have been like if things had been different. Many times I had wished they had been. However, if that had been the case, then I would not have my children and my children are my biggest blessing!
For many years my life was filled with so much heartache that I did not want to live. So many parts of my childhood I don’t even remember. It’s the strangest thing, there a clumps of years that I recall nothing. After years of counselling, I have come to understand that “blocking out” what had been happening to me in my home was my way of surviving.
It has taken me a very long time to learn that I am a good woman, that I am beautiful, I am a good mom, that I am worthy of being loved, & that I was not responsible for the actions of someone violating me, that I did not deserve not only the sexual abuse, but also the emotional abuse that went along with it. For me the most difficult thing was being around these people who felt they had the right to judge me, as I did not live a life that they felt was up to their standards. Many times I would say to myself what standards?? I would become enraged with the hypocrisy of what these people hid behind, but would soon just forget about it because the truth lived inside of me. And so I decided, I no longer cared what these people thought or said as I had no control over that and nor did I want it. In my heart if any of these people had experienced as a child what I had been subjected to, they themselves would not had survived. It’s funny I use to feel less of a person because I did not have all the material things they did, and so since this was the way they measured me as an individual, I was not worthy.
I have come to learn that the only person that determines my worthiness is me, and I am more than worthy!
So literally after decades of living a life that has been full of lies and continued abuse. My life is now lived in truth, in peace, in love, in faith, & in trust.
I eliminated from my life the lies I had been told for years……….I changed my story…….then changed my life.